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The Job God Gave Me

One night I woke up and cried. Tears came uninvited and they wouldn’t stop. Ever since, I have been crying inside. For all the combinations of words no one has ever written. For all the books no one has ever read. For all the people no one has ever loved. There are so many things to cry for in a lifetime. For every little part of me that has been wasted along the years. For every lost soul. For every shattered dream. For every little thing that has been left outside in the cold. For every car that has passed by my window without stopping for me. For every night that has gone by without revealing its mystery. For all the secrets unknown and unshared.

I could cry for almost anything. Both sadness and joy can bring tears into my eyes. Hatred and love. The beginning and the end of life. Alpha and Omega. And all that’s in between. The easiest thing in the world is to find something to cry for. Once you have come to a certain stage, it’s all a matter of looking around – or looking inside. Tears can be a light in the dark, a candle for our path. Tears make us human. For it is through tears that our humanity is shown. We haven’t chosen to be human and most surely we cannot change it. But we can cry for it. We can cry for our frail humanity. For our lost paradise. For the sheep that have gone astray. We can cry in the dark, when no one can see us, except God. If he loves us, he will cry with us. What a huge comfort that would be!

I remember crying my eyes out so many times. For simple things. For things that would normally pass unnoticed. But there was something inside that hurt and burned. An inner urge. A voice telling me: “Cry, my child. I have chosen you to cry for all the world. It is a privilege. This world is soiled. It needs as many tears as it can get to wash the dirt away. Pure, honest tears coming from a pure, honest heart.” I listened to that urge and cried. Night after night. Day after day. It became my job. Crying for things. Crying for beings. Crying for everything and for nothing. Redeeming all through my tears, because a thing someone has cried for can no longer be a worthless thing.

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