2009 ~ Eliza's Prayer Box

Prayer for a Job

My Lord, my Creator, I believe you have a purpose for every human life. I believe you want all your children to achieve complete fulfilment by making the best of the gifts you’ve given us. You’ve endowed each of us with a unique set of talents and abilities that we can use for your glory. So many times we miss opportunities. So many times, our talents are wasted. So many times, we are in the wrong place doing the wrong things.

But from now on, I surrender everything to you and I ask you to take care of my life. Search my heart. Help me discover what I’m good at and make me grow in the things I do best. Give me the opportunity to fulfil my potential and to use my talents and abilities for the glory of your name and the benefit of other people.

By surrendering my whole life and being to you, I also surrender you my needs, which you know very well. Give me a way to fill them through honest work and commitment. Bring together in harmony my interests and the interests of the people I work for, so that we can all gain from what we’re doing. Let no one be exploited, but teach us to be kind and honest to one another and co-exist in peace and love.

My Lord, I put my prayer and my wish before you. Help me find a job in which I can make the best of what I am and I can do. But not my will, but yours be done. You know better what’s right for me and when is the right time for everything. Complete the great work you’ve started in my life.

AMEN

Prayer for the Sick

Lord God, our light and our hope, to you we run when our body and our soul hurts, for you are our doctor and our healer, and the comforter of those in heavy grief. You know the depths of our being and with a single word you can heal us.

Have mercy, Lord, on those afflicted by illness and infirmity, on those who cannot live their life with joy because of the evil in the flesh that's tearing them like a worm day and night. Examine each of them and pour your blessings out of your never-ending spring of love.

Heal them and alleviate their suffering. Open a gate for them, so that they can enjoy the life they have received as a gift. Show them how great you are, as you have shown Job, so that their hearts can soar with joy, and they can find a new purpose and a new meaning.

Hold them by the hand every moment of their journey and when the pain is too strong, carry them in your arms as a shepherd carries a sick lamb. Give them the faith to move mountains, so that, by their faith, they can be healed and saved.

Lord, do not forget thy sick. Bring to them the people they need, so that they are never short of support in their misery. Teach them to love and to offer help and support even when they themselves need them, thus discovering the way of wisdom and love.

Give them the power to fulfill their dreams or to shape new dreams in spite of their pain. Teach them to rise above the circumstances and, through faith and spiritual strength, with the support of your love, to come out victorious in the struggle with disease and suffering.

Short Prayers Series (Coming Soon)

I've been considering starting a new series of posts dedicated to short prayers for different needs and occasions. Short prayers have several advantages: they are powerful in their condensed form, they are deep and meaningful; they are easy to remember; they require no special preparation, they can be said at any time during the day or the night, and in any circumstances; they can be like a strong cry coming from within and making its way like a bridge of fire to the One they are addressed to.

A short prayer can consist of just one line or a few words. We use short prayers every day, sometimes without even realizing. We often say things like: "God, help me", or "God bless him", or "Lord, forgive me". When they come from the heart and not only from the tips of our tongues, they are as good as any other prayer. God doesn't require us to remember long prayers or to spend all our time on our knees. In fact, He doesn't care if our prayers are long or short, as long as they are honest and true.

If you have any suggestions or stories related to short prayers, please contact me.

Jesus said: "And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him." (Matthew 6:7, 8)

Quotes About Prayer

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Prayer travels faster than light.

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Even silence can be a prayer, and a most powerful one.

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Turn each thought into a prayer.

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Contrary to what some skeptics may believe, prayer is not lack of action, but active involvement. It is not an act of laziness, but one of courage and responsibility.

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Prayer is a river of energy flowing from your heart straight into the heart of God.

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Prayer is a bridge over the abyss.

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Prayer is the courage to look up when everything seems to be dragging you down.

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Prayer is not affected by gravity.

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Prayer is both a miracle and an adventure. A miracle, because it defies the laws of physics; an adventure, because it requires courage to believe in what you cannot see.

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Prayer does not take you away from reality. On the contrary, it takes you to the very core of it - the heart of the Creator.

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Learn how to pray and God will take care of the rest.

Prayer for Freedom

Lord God, You created us for freedom, not for bondage. Let us break free from our old patterns and discover a new way in You. You taught us to look beyond our worries and struggles for a deeper meaning and a treasure that can't be taken away from us.

Help us grow in faith, love and wisdom until we are spiritually ready to receive the gift of freedom you've prepared for Your children. Hold our hand all along the way as we walk into the light of Your glory and teach us to surrender to Your redeeming love.

Teach us that in love, there is no fear and a life free from fear is a life of freedom. And as we follow You with all our heart and our soul, leaving our burdens at the feet of the cross, help us recognize Your will for our lives and fulfill it in a way that brings honour to Your name - not as slaves, but as free children.

AMEN

Prayer for Blessing

My Lord, I kneel before You in prayer, my heart like an open book, my soul thirsty for Your blessings. Like You bless the land with merciful sun and rain and make the seed germinate in the bosom of the Earth, bless my whole being with the rain of Your mercy and the sun of Your love. Bring out good seeds of faith, hope and love and help them grow into fruitful trees.

The man who is blessed by You has nothing to fear. The man whom You bless is richer than the richest kings of the world. For Your blessings are like a spring of living water, forever flowing, never running dry. Bless me and my family and all my loved ones, so that we can feel Your loving presence everywhere, in and around us, like a warm breath of air breaking the cold winter, like a circle of light breaking the darkness of the night.

Bless me with health, comfort and joy, but above all, bless me with love, peace and wisdom, and with the strength and courage to face everything this life brings. Bless me and my loved ones in countless ways, in ways full of power and wonder, in ways worthy of Your glory. And never let go of our hands, but see us through the journey of our lives and beyond, into Eternity.

AMEN

Revelations From A Dream

Can a dream reveal the ultimate mystery of life and death?

As Charlotte Bronte states in one of her novels, there are dreams that bring “the hue, the mien, the terror, the very tone of a visitation from eternity.” That’s exactly how my last night's dream felt like. A secret was revealed to me in a strange, but meaningful way. A secret I would like to share with you. I might not succeed in conveying its intensity and its unreal tone, but I can try to make you aware of its significance.

Sometimes, when I go to bed I put my headphones on and I fall asleep on the rhythms of music. It is always an incredible experience. Music seems to melt into my dreams, becoming one with their substance. Last night I went to sleep on Christian music. Next, I found myself travelling on paths no one has walked before, looking for an answer. As I went on deeper and deeper, I realized what the question was. What happens to us after we die? Almost in the same instant, the answer came, too, as clear as a whisper into my ear.

It was like someone said to me: “Don’t you know? It is all written there.” Nothing more. No other explanations. There was no need for any. In the glimpse of a moment, the answer started growing within me. I understood everything and it all made perfect sense.

The key to the riddle is in two symbols found in the Bible: the vineyard and the wine. What happens to us after we die is somehow similar to the process of turning grapes into wine. The difference between life and death is the difference between the vineyard and the wine. Grapes are alive, like we are alive. They are connected to the ground, they receive the sun’s blessing and the sweet touch of the rain. They are growing things.

Then the farmer picks them up from the vine and crushes them into a mixture that has little to do with the fruit of earlier days. Dying is like that. We are taken from this life, we go through moments of agony as we linger between two worlds, but in the end, we become something more meaningful. Wine is not alive in the sense a plant or a tree is, but it’s got a richer significance. Its symbolism is stronger, and so is its power of transforming both the physical and the spiritual. Wine has a great significance for Christians. It symbolizes Christ’s blood, which is poured for us to give us eternal life and fellowship with the Father. But there is no wine without the grapes having to die first.

The idea can be found in another passage of the Bible, too : “The seed you plant doesn't come to life unless it dies first.” My dream is on the same wavelength, but it uses different symbols to illustrate the truth that death is a necessary step in the process of reaching a higher spiritual level.

The Quiet Change

What is beyond this life? What is the meaning of existence? Is death a gate to another dimension?

With every day that passes by, I become more and more convinced that we'll find out the truth in the end. This life wouldn't make much sense otherwise. In one way or another, in one form or another, we must find out the answers we've been chasing for a lifetime. There are secrets that shall be told and mysteries that shall be revealed. Everything in this universe has a meaning. Although the logic seems strange sometimes, it is there, it proves there is a huge brain behind it all, coordinating every possible aspect of existence.

The sound of rain, the trembling of the grass, the stars on the summer sky, they all tell a story... They all seem to know more than we do. And - from what we know - they don't ask questions. It seems like we are the only creatures in this universe that ask questions and for this reason the only ones who don't get an answer. Maybe the answer will come only when we stop asking the questions.

I wish I could describe the feeling that some day we shall know. It is a steady certainty that grows within me like a tree, with its roots pushing deep into the ground, stronger and stronger every day. I look around me and everything seems to bear a new meaning. New dawns are born, new mornings arise, glorious and true. The night of the world is coming to an end. The scarlet curtain stands ready to be torn.

I have dreams about the end of the world and the beginning of a new era. I have visions about things turning into something else or becoming more than they are. I am lost in a labyrinth of feelings and sensations I can't control. They are coming from within and make me see the world in another light. They are a part of me and yet so alien, as if coming from another dimension.

Every morning I wake up, I look around and say: "one day..." That day is not far off. My heart is full of joy and my soul dances like the flame of the candle in the dark. There are things I cannot see but my soul can. I learned to listen to all the voices, to all the echoes. I am not scared anymore. Life is not about fear. Death is far beyond our pale emotions.

One day I'll close my eyes and go with the flow. I can already feel the change occurring in me. Death begins with life. Death is just another word for change. The ultimate change…

When Selfishness Turns Into Selflessness

Are people selfish by nature? If so, is there anything we can do about it? A different perspective on selfishness.

Some people believe humans are selfish by nature. According to this theory, everything we do is ultimately motivated by selfishness, even the acts that are classified as ‘selfless’ by society. Before we go any further, let me make a distinction between two different ways of understanding this concept: in everyday speech, ‘being selfish’ has a negative connotation, often meaning to ignore others people’s needs in order to satisfy your own.

However, from a psychological point of view, ‘selfishness’ simply means that, as a species, we are self-centred beings, therefore we find it humanly impossible to ignore the voice of the self. We perceive the world via our senses. No matter how hard we try, we cannot physically become somebody else. Even when we share other people's thoughts or ideas, we still see the world through our own eyes and filter reality through our own emotions.

If we are honest with ourselves, we have to admit that even the good things we do for others can be traced back to a deep selfish motivation. We help someone in distress because the sight of suffering causes us physical and psychological discomfort or simply because we prefer to see people happy and smiling. We make charitable acts because it makes us feel good with ourselves or because we want to pay for something we have done in the past. It is a more ‘refined’ form of selfishness and it takes some subtlety to recognize it, but in the end that’s what it is.

Selfishness in this context is not a negative concept. In fact, it is closer to selflessness that we can imagine. It’s just a question of choosing how to use it. We all have a lot to give and a tremendous potential for the good. All we have to do is focus on the positive side of the self and find the things that can make both us and those around us better, happier and stronger. If we train ourselves to rejoice in the good we do, our selfishness becomes our selflessness.

People Are Beautiful

‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder’. Train your eyes to recognize the hidden beauty that makes every person special and unique.

It is an exercise I've tried time and time again and it always leaves me with a positive feeling of hope and comfort. Try to imagine what a person would look like in a perfect world, in a world free from old age, disease or deformity. Try to see that person just as he or she was designed by God in the first moment of creation, when everything was at its best and the worm of decay hasn’t started its destructive work yet.

Rather than seeing a person as the result of external circumstances, try to visualize their ideal prototype, to see them as they would be if none of those circumstances had occurred. Imagine what that person would look like in an ideal world. No wrinkles, no overweight, no scars, no makeup, no tiredness, no worries in their eyes.

You will notice that with some persons it's very easy. With others, it takes a bit of effort and imagination. That is because some people are closer to their prototype than others. Some will make the task almost impossible, while others are so close to their natural unaltered charm that imagination has to play a minimum role.

Discovering the beauty behind any makeup and decay - the essence behind appearance - is relaxing and therapeutic. It's like filtering everything and everyone through your own conscience and what remains is that little something that makes every person beautiful and unique – the sparkle of life, the real thing, their evasive but true spiritual profile.

Sometimes you have very little to work with. You have to recreate that image, like an artist, out of bits and fragments: a trembling smile, a soft look on somebody's face, a sparkle in their eyes. Any of these isolated elements can become a key to that person's beauty shining from inside.

My own experience has taught me that it helps if you have a brief glance at a person, then turn your eyes away and focus on the image printed on your retina. The features become sweeter, the lines softer, and you can visualize a sort of aura that you miss when you look squarely into that person's face.

In a way you restore something reality has stolen. You put back a softness often lost in too much detail. It's an artistic work, like that of a great painter trying to capture the essence of the human soul on canvas. Only this time the canvas is your mind.

The Importance Of Developing A Flexible Mind

Why it is important to develop a flexible mind and how you can attain this goal by aiming towards spiritual maturity.

If there's one thing life has taught me, it's that we have a lot to learn from the elastic: the more flexible you are, the less chances you have to break. When you can stretch and bend, you are more likely to resist the shocks than when you are rigid. Flexibility is one of the most important human qualities and one of the basic keywords for survival. It is what we call in common terms the power to adapt to the unexpected and adverse circumstances. Life is full of challenges that we cannot meet with a rigid heart and mind.

Some people have a natural inclination to being flexible. Without a doubt, they are the lucky ones. Others struggle to learn it after they’ve realized how important it is. And there is a third category of people who never learn and never understand. The second category deserves our admiration the most. These are often people who have to fight their natural drives and tendencies and engage in a constant battle with the self. The battle wears them out for a while but they come out stronger and spiritually enriched.

Even if nature hasn’t blessed you with a flexible mind, you can still develop it as you reach spiritual maturity. The ability to achieve spiritual growth is man's weapon against pure instinct and a way to silence the 'call of the wild' coming from within. Animals have the power to adapt, too. They possess instincts that can help them survive in a tough and unfriendly environment. But it is only man who can achieve this goal by exploring new realms of the spirit and new dimensions of the thought. It is only man who can pass beyond his tiny world of 'here and now' into the vast universe of unexplored possibilities and mysteries untold. Man is the only animal who realizes it is an animal and longs to be more.

You may ask: what does all this have to do with flexibility? The answer is: a lot. The more spiritually mature you are, the more flexible you become because your world becomes larger and larger. Life does no longer feel like a tight collar against your neck. You are no longer threatened by the dangerous and the unexpected, because your whole perspective on them has changed. There is no dangerous and no unexpected, only experiences that can make you stronger by taking you one step further on your journey to the ultimate reality.

Judging People - Arrogance or Ignorance?

Is judging others a proof that we are missing something somewhere along the line?

So often we make judgements on people, stating that 'X is better than Y', 'Y is smarter than Z' and 'Z is nicer than T'. We assume that we know enough to decide who is good and who is bad. We take it for granted that we have the right to compare and give the final verdict. We are convinced in our own little minds of our own little truths and never hesitate to let others know of what we believe. There is a sort of arrogance in our habit of judging people that can become quite annoying. But is it only arrogance or does ignorance play a role as well?

What we don't know and we don't even bother to find out is that Y, who is so bad according to our judgements, has much more to struggle against than X, whom we appreciate as good. We often ignore the three main factors contributing to human personality: heredity, environment and education. Perhaps 'being good' is a natural gift for X, while Y has to make double efforts to achieve the same goal. Maybe if Y had been born with X's advantages, he would have done much better. But who really knows?

The point I’m trying to make is that it's very dangerous to make judgements. The quality of our lives would increase so much if we stopped this silly judging game and we became aware of our own ignorance. Experience has taught me that sooner or later I'll do the same things I judged and hated in others. Every time I thought I was better than somebody, I ended up in circumstances that made me act the same, or even worse, than that person.

Life can be very treacherous, and so can be the human mind. Some borders are almost invisible and we can cross a bridge in as little as an instant without even realizing we’ve done it. We can become the opposite of what we are in a mere second, we can go from being normal to being insane and from deep meaning to complete and utter absurdity. We can lose everything or gain everything in the time it takes a butterfly to flap its wings.

Life is a gift, indeed, but so often it is like giving a car to a child or to somebody who hasn’t got a driving license. So many times we live it without being aware of its most basic rules. Or we think we know the rules but when it comes to facing a real challenge, we realize in fact we know nothing. The other driver we judge - our fellow being, our neighbour - could be simply caught in a bigger traffic jam or drive a car that is less powerful than ours.

Before giving in to the natural temptation of judging people, we should make an effort to learn the truth about ourselves, to find our own limitations and deal with them. Only when we realize how hard it is to be how this world expects us to be and how pointless it is to try and please everybody, we can appreciate what others are doing and the effort they are putting into things.

10 Facts That Can Increase Your Self-Esteem

Some of these statements might sound a bit philosophical but at a closer look, you’ll find they are very real. Life is a fascinating journey and the ultimate goal of any journey is learning and gaining experience. Don’t let your negative feelings keep you away from contemplating the great spectacle of life.

1. You are unique in history. There wasn’t and there’s never going to be another you. You are as unique as any great figure humanity has ever boasted with.

2. You are beautiful. People often used the wrong criteria to judge beauty. They are influenced by mass media and tend to forget what beauty is all about. Despite their many mistakes and failures, people are beautiful. Humanity is a strange race, fascinating in its fragility and you are part of it.

3. Everything you do is important. If you feel you haven’t achieved enough in your life, remember the butterfly effect. You will never know what you really achieved in the grand scheme of things and how much your most insignificant action has changed the world.

4. You are a survivor. You came into this world as a helpless baby, you struggled through the first confusing years, with so much to learn, so much to overcome. Yet you survived through all the struggles. And here you are now, reading this article on the Internet, which is more than many people can say.

5. You can read. We tend to take some things for granted and the ability to read and write is definitely one of them. You are intelligent enough to look at some weird signs that mean nothing in themselves and see a whole world of concepts and ideas. In some ages, that would have turned you into a symbol of wisdom, one of the few chosen ones.

6. You are complex. Everything you’ve ever heard, seen or felt, all the experiences you’ve been through are recorded by your brain. You are like a huge computer loaded with lots of information. Most often you are not even aware of it. But if you saw yourself from the outside and realized how complex you are, you would say a big “wow”.

7. You are rich. Think of a person you love dearly. Now think of three things you could give that person to make him or her happy. If you have found three things to give, you are very rich. If you have found only one, you are still richer than you think. Even if you can’t think of anything to give, the very fact that you thought about a person you love makes you rich, because you possess the most precious treasure a being can have - the capacity to love.

8. You are more. No matter how well you think you know yourself, there will be always things you are unaware of as far as your body, mind and soul are concerned. And as long as you don’t have the whole picture, you can’t judge yourself. It’s like judging someone you don’t know. Have confidence in the parts of yourself you haven’t discovered yet. There’s still so much to explore. One day you might be surprised.

9. You have patience. If you've got this far and haven’t abandoned this article yet, you are more patient than you think.

10. If you can understand and relate to these facts, you’ve got something else to be proud of: you have the ability to see beyond the obvious and to put things in perspective. Opening your eyes doesn’t mean only looking around, but also looking up and down, above, below, beneath and beyond.

God and Science

For some of the most interesting disputes between theology and modern science, I recommend the series of articles entitled Faith and Reason, inspired by the TV programme with the same name. You will be introduced to the religious or non-religious points of view of a number of scientists on subjects like God, the beginning of the universe, the rules of quantum physics, the purpose and meaning of our existence, etc.

The ultimate question remains the same: Is there a conflict between science and religion or do they secretly support each other? Will the long-expected and well-acclaimed `theory of everything` solve this mystery or will it pose even more questions? Are science and religion two different ways of trying to explain the unexplainable? Is quantum physics a peep into God's secret laboratory? And if it is, how much more will The Creator of the universe allow us to know?

Prayer for Love

God, fill us with your love, so that we can become love. Help us understand that love is the driving force of the universe and the essence of all creation. Help us understand that love is You. Touch our hearts with its warm comfort, make us stronger with its healing touch. Help us grasp the meaning of the words 'where there is love, there is no fear'. Let us live our lives in full understanding of this truth and make the best of it in our everyday experience and in our relationships with one another.

AMEN

Crossword Puzzles

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Teach Us, Lord

Teach us, Lord, to be humble. To put the spirit above the letter. To give you thanks for every little thing you offer us. To thank you for the priceless gift of life.

Teach us to be faithful. Faithful to each other, faithful to ourselves and faithful to you.

Teach us to have a positive outlook on life, to see the rose rather than the thorns, and the rainbow rather than the storm.

Teach us to love and to forgive. Show us a new kind of love - selfless, kind, willing to give rather than receive.

Teach us to have no fear. Cause love conquers fear.

Teach us to dare, cause daring is the emblem of faith.

Teach us to open our eyes and our ears to the miracles around us.

And teach us to search your will in everything.

AMEN

Caramel Cream

So often, caught up as we are in the cobweb of life, we forget to thank God for all the gifts He's given us. So many times we ignore the simple things, the little joys He has prepared for us. So often we take them for granted. Today I want to thank Him for something very simple and easy to make but very... delicious...Caramel pudding. It's amazing how such simple ingredients can be combined into something so special. If you haven't tried it yet, here is my recipe:

CARAMEL CREAM

Ingredients:
1 pint of milk
5 eggs
5 tbspoons of sugar + 7 tbspoons for the caramel syrup
vanilla sugar

1. Heat the 7 tbspoons of sugar in a saucepan, stirring continously until it's fully melted (it becomes brownish and liquidy). Pour the syrup in an oven-proof bowl and turn it around to coat inside the bowl.
2. Mix the milk with the 5 tbspoons of sugar and the vanilla sugar and bring it to the boiling point.
3. Beat the eggs and pour the hot milk gradually
4. Pour the composition in the bowl you coated with the caramel syrup.
5. Put water in a tray and place the bowl on the tray in the pre-heated oven.
6. Cook at 180 degrees for about 35-40 minutes (or until the composition becomes like a pudding).
7. Let it cool down a little and put it in the fridge.

Enjoy cooking it and eating it!

The Little Girl Who Wanted To Save The World

The confession of a girl whose daily routine included praying for everything and everyone.

When I was a little girl, my greatest wish was to bring everything inside, where it was nice and warm. Every night after going to bed, I used to close my eyes and pray for all the people and the objects I could think of, begging God not to leave anything out in the cold. The very thought that I might have forgotten something was unbearable. I desperately tried to think of everything – people and trees, dogs and street lamps, grass and buildings, toys, cars, elephants and birds.

It was like an exercise of memory. I did it with passion and conviction, as if it all depended on me, as if it was my duty to make sure everything was fine. I couldn’t afford to make any mistakes, because once the door was closed, it would never open again. There were no second chances. I had to make sure nothing was forgotten. I can still remember the anguish coming with the realization that it was humanly impossible to think of everything, that it took just a little flaw in the memory, a little gap in the mind to lose something forever.

The world was a huge place and I loved all the things and the people in it. I didn’t want any of them to be lost, no matter how little and insignificant. The night out there was cold and lonely and the wind was blowing like a restless soul, but in my room it was warm and cosy. In my room, there was love.

As I grew up, I started losing more and more. The old anguish of leaving things out in the dark has never really left me, but it took another form. Every time I lost something or someone, it kept creeping back into my soul, as sharp as a knife, tormenting me. It spoke of unknown tortures like the power of remorse, the blow of despair and the thought that, no matter how hard we tried, it was not within our power to save the ones we loved. The world became a scary place, where everything seemed out of control.

Even now, after so many years, I’m still fighting in my mind to save as much as I can of the people and the objects around me. To protect them from the wind and the cold. It is so important to become aware of things, to touch them, to love them, to redeem them. In many ways, I’m still the anxious but determined little girl who wants to bring everything inside. The thought of leaving anything out still hurts me, and so does the realization that one day the door will close forever and there will be no second chances.

My Earliest Memories

The first objects and people, tastes, sounds and dreams I can remember.

My earliest memories go back to the time when I was two or three years old. The first thing I can recall is a vague, indescribable sensation that I later associated with my conscience. The best way to describe it is a huge tasteless and shapeless sea I carried inside, the virtual space where all the future shapes and concepts were going to be formed.

The first objects: My toys. The plastic bear in a pushchair. A white rubber puppy seal with a red ball on its nose. A little doll dressed in red – later my mother said it was Little Red Riding Hood. A clown lifting weights. A Chinese cyclist on batteries (my dad’s favourite). Those toys do no longer exist. Or if they do, I don’t own them anymore.

What happened to them? The bear in a pushchair: I threw it out of the window of our second floor apartment. By the time I went down to get it, it had already gone. The puppy seal (a lovely toy): I lost it on a snowy winter day. I took it with me on a sleigh ride with my mother. By the time we returned home, we realized it had mysteriously gone.

The first sounds: My mother’s high heels on the pavement – music to my ears. The fairy tales on my old vinyl disks – ‘Puss in Boots’ and ‘Diamonds and Toads’. My father’s voice singing old folk songs. The sound made by the clown when he was lifting weights – a horrible crunch. My father trying to teach me to say 'r'. A dull, repetitive sound I kept hearing in my ears after going to bed. Later I found out it was my own heart.

The first people: My mother gently rubbing my forehead when I was lying in bed with fever. My father letting me walk on his back –a good massage for his rheumatism, he thought. The two little girls next door. The younger so sweet, the elder a monster – she used to terrorize both me and her sister. The nurse coming in to give me penicillin injections.

The first tastes: the rubber taste of the teat – one day I suddenly decided I hated it. Semolina pudding. Spinach. Effervescent Vitamin C.

The first book: “Mother and child”, a huge book with red hard covers – a guide for young mothers.

The first nightmare: a man with a black hat trying to break in.

And many, many more – but I will stop here before I get too carried away. The one thing they all have in common is that they arose from the same shapeless sea... If I asked myself how much that sea had changed over the years, it would be very hard to answer. I can still feel it inside, the way it was then, but I can’t tell whether it belongs to the present or to the past, whether it is still there or it's just the memory of it haunting me from times long gone.